Am I still a fiction writer? The stories begin in my mind. Scenes. Ideas. Characters. But they come to nothing.
So many daily anxieties. Fears. Getting through, coping with daily life, is already too much for me.
I’m frozen in the headlights, when it comes to functioning, including as a fiction writer. I reached the stage of trying to write straight on to blog posts, instead of into the Word type packages I use, given that Microsoft fail to provide the Word packages I purchase: not even going there, honestly.
I see other authors with huge backlists of published novels, and it nearly killed me to write and self-publish one. I feel like screaming. Why can’t I do it? Still?
I definitely feel that the lack of support from many of the people (notably, family members) around me – their consistent negativity or/and cold indifference – has got to me. But why haven’t I used it as fuel for my passion?
My depression is winning. My mental and physical health are at an all-time low. And yet, I must remain positive online. Which is exactly what this isn’t. This blog post isn’t positive at all.
If you can’t run, walk. If you can’t walk, crawl. If you can’t write a novel, write short stories, flash fiction, poetry…
I need to write, and yet, I don’t. Am I still a fiction writer?
Wow… *hug* This was me up till VERY recently. You CAN do it!
Here’s the realizations that finally helped me start to break through. I’m NOT perfect yet, but I’m moving in the right direction and I believe you can also.
First, you’re too externally focused. You’re judging your worth based on the input of people around you who are secretly jealous that you have the courage to try something different and chase a dream. If you succeed, it’ll make them feel all the worse about themselves that they never even had the courage to try. They’ll rationalize it in a million different ways, all of them about how YOU are wrong. Reality though; they’re scared of what they THINK your potential success means for or reflects upon them. They’re probably not evil, just worn down by life and rationalizing on a level so deep that they don’t even realize why they’re truly attacking you.
The best way to deal with it is to first internalize your self-worth, and encourage them to chase their own dreams also… “Even if it’s just a hobby or side gig” (which will make it sound less threatening to do so).
ALMOST everybody has the talent to be a good writer. Judging from your blog posts, you do too. You’re articulate, heartfelt, and have good grammar and spelling. That last one puts you ahead of 80% of the public, LOL. Realize that you CAN do it. It WILL be slow at first, and you WILL have to be dedicated to continually improving yourself. Time, effort and patience, especially with yourself, is all it takes.
As far as writing tons of books a year… I guarantee you very few people doing that are turning out QUALITY work. Even a good portion of James Patterson’s books are ghost written. Michelangelo took 4 years to paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, but everybody remembers it. Ergo, it’s OK to work slowly, just keep going.
The main thing though, especially breaking through the writer’s block and struggling, is you have to let go of the self-doubt that others have beat into you. That starts by understanding where their attacks come from. I explained that above. When you realize their attacks are about their shortcomings, they lose the ability to poison you. Second is doing it for YOU, not to prove them wrong. You can’t use hate as motivation because you’re not on that spiritual level. That’s also why writing to get an inflated ego won’t work for you. What’s left is writing to show yourself that you’re capable, because it brings you joy, and to express that joy, and maybe pass on a message or parable.
When you can give yourself permission to do that, it won’t matter how many books you write, or how many you sell. You’ll be a success because you’ll be growing as a person. Work at it though, and the financial success will likely follow the emotional and spiritual success. 😉
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Thank you so much for this thoughtful and heartfelt response. Sorry that I didn’t find it sooner. I must have missed the notification. Much love. You make some excellent points. xxx
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No worries. 🙂
Just keep on working at the writing and remember you’ve got other writers here to cheer you on when needed.
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I’m so sorry to see your struggle, and I know how it is. When I was a teenager all I had was support and excitement to write. As I got older, still producing nothing with my writing (as it takes time and not perfect the first time) the people around me couldn’t understand that. My dad made me feel ashamed that there were younger kids than me who were successful and I was just wasting time. My support system fell apart and nobody would talk to me. It hurt and still does when I’d say I’m a writer and they roll their eyes or make a snide comment. I hated the depression and that I felt so bad. Finally one day I had thought my writing left me, but it didn’t. I started from the beginning again, took some online classes, and really delved into learning anything I could. I tried writing prompts. Tried Art. Other forms of expressing my creativity. I’m not saying it was easy, but I just didn’t let go. I’m working on a novel again. Im telling you this because I was bad off, really bad. It was getting worse and it did suck until it got better. Just let go of that other stuff, other people’s problem with it. I don’t even care now if people support me because I have a belief in myself that I know what I can do now. There’s a quote that’s stuck with me “God gives the toughest battles to his strongest soldiers” and I’m not really religious but this resonates. We are being challenged when it gets hard, but you’re strong and if you hold on you’ll win your battle.
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Wow, thank you for sharing that. I relate in so many ways. It has been a long journey, for sure. It’s so inspiring to read a story like yours, and it definitely helps.
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I’m very happy to hear that my experience was helpful to you. I think going through this has in many ways made me a stronger writer and person so I’m happy to help in the midst of such difficult times.
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